And voila! More excuses.

Another Christmas.
I love Christmas, and I'm glad for the joy it brings, and the good times with family. I was at the Christmas Eve service at church tonight, and it was wonderful! Candles, songs, and cookies in the foyer.... We opened gifts today, and it was fun to see a good gift received.

School wrapped up for me in a whirlwind of activity -- Preschool Christmas Crafts at Heartland, 2 days of exams, watching the Nutcracker Ballet, and going to Michael W Smith...

In all this, though, I've had trouble resting.

I don't mean dozing on the couch, or watching tv.

I mean resting. Really resting.
Resting in the silence and the presence of God, and being still before him.

I use so many excuses: it's so hard when classes are wrapping up -- all the papers and assignments. It's so hard during exams, there's so much studying and not enough time. It's so hard when you're working two jobs.

It's so hard during Christmas because all the family is around, and there's so much action.

It's so hard.

blah blah blah.
It's basically just an excuse. I was struck today how I want to "rest" and "take a break" from the stuff I usually do, but I rarely deliberately take the time for the rest that will heal me on the inside. Ironically, I find that when I take time away from my day to spend with God, suddenly, there seems to be more time for other things.

This dichotomy has got me to thinking:
I don't think we're made for frantic activity.

I've been reading through John lately, and Jesus was really deliberate about people, and doing the will of his father, which at times, required that he take time away and hide himself from his disciples, and pray.

My prayer for you and I over the Christmas season is that we'd take time for the things that matter. For people.
and for God.

and that we'd take time for the rest that matters.
Cheers!

Merry Christmas

let us, therefore, subsist on TUMS

So, in the last 3 days, I've completed a group presentation and two term papers. One of which I'm proofreading now. (two hours before class -- don't ask how late I stayed up to finish it...)

For some reason, this time around, staying up late and being stressed has given me a need for TUMS.

and so, I'm enjoying my mint flavoured TUMS.

which sounds strange.
except that when I was small, my Grandma used to let me eat TUMS like candy.
I've developed quite an affinity for them.

so, let us, therefore, subsist on tums.

and pretentious words. (I've been trying to use as many as I could.)

Incidentally, today's word of the day (according to dictionary.com) is tarraddidle, which can be defined as pretentious nonsense.
which may apply to today's posting...

draw your own conclusions.

The Grinch

I was walking through the snow this morning, watching a little boy run around wearing swishy nylon snowplants, and this song from How the Grinch Stole Christmas! kept running through my head.

In honor of it (almost) being Christmas, and in honor of the snow, and the gloriousness of Dr Seuss's The Grinch, here it is:


Welcome Christmas

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Come this way!

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Christmas Day.

Welcome, Welcome
Fah who rah-moose
Welcome, Welcome
Dah who dah-moose

Christmas day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp
Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!

Welcome Christmas
Welcome, welcome Christmas
Bring your cheer

dang

it's cold!

the smell of winter approaching

Today is such a "classic" November day.

I'm sitting at home, watching it snow, and listening to the guys cut up deer in the porch. They're laughing and chatting, and stuffing sausage. They're still wearing camo & green and they smell like hunting. They've singlehandedly downed 3 pots of coffee, and are working on a fourth.

It brings back so many memories of being a child, and running through my grandparents' basement while my mom and my aunt wrapped meat in brown butcher paper. My grandpa used to be in charge of sausage making -- he'd mix pounds and pounds of meat on a big white table covered in plastic, adding spices and tasting the raw meat until it was right. He used to dangerously stuff his hand into the grinder to feed more meat down into the sausage casing, and my dad would come down the stairs with plastic spatulas so that he wouldn't accidentally get his fingers caught. (I think he did, one day.)

Ah, yes. What a day. Meat into hamburger, into roasts, into sausage, into packages of stew meat.

It smells like the coming of winter. Pre-winter has a smell. (I don't know if you knew that already.) It's different than the smell of cold. Pre-winter involves the cold smell of living in the country - the dead smell of leaves & the smell of truck exhaust. It also smells like gun powder and raw meat.

(wow. I think that makes me a hick.
anyway.)

The porch smells good to me. It smells like good times, and family.
And the coming of winter.

this is me

taking back what I said about greenery.

not so sure about this "greenery"

I'm not so sure I like this "greenery", but it's a work in progress.

We'll see what happens here in the next little bit.

yikes

this is my 75th attempt to kickstart this blog again....

It's just something that gets ignored.

maybe it's time for a change.

put to shame....

I was reading Amy's blog today, and Jay had been commenting that she had stopped blogging regularly.

And that got me to thinking about my dreadful blogging habits...

Let's remedy this....

It's fall, and it's cold, but it's also really beautiful. Last week, there was an emergency on the LRT, and I ended up walking across the river to the University from the Legistlature. It was SO beautiful -- I could have stopped on the middle of the bridge, and watched the mist rise off the river for hours! All the trees are turning colors, and the brilliant yellows and reds look best in the morning.
It was a really neat God-send ... I'd been thinking for a long time that I needed to spend some time outside. And then I had a chance. (or rather, I was forced...)

A day before that, I fell down the stairs at the University. It was a rather humbling experience, because I fell pretty hard and a lot of people saw it. It was painful and left me with lots of bruises on my legs (that are only NOW starting to disappear...)

And now, it's Thanksgiving, and I'm just enjoying the colors of fall. (while I wear my winter coat, of course....)

Problems with the LRT

Ah, the LRT.

What a wonderful, reliable transportation system.

The best part of the LRT is this: every time we go over the river, I look out at the beautiful trees in the river valley and think, "I should go walking down there one day."



But I always plan to go tomorrow. And tomorrow turns into tomorrow turns into... (you get the picture.)



Today, however, we got to Government Centre, and we had to wait. Waiting ON the LRT turned into getting OFF the LRT and waiting on the platform. Then the train disappeared.



Then another one appeared.



And I thought, "Good! We can get going!"



Unfortunately, it only deposited its passengers on the platform before disappearing.



Then a wonderful announcement came over the PA: "There's been an emergency at University Station. It is now closed. No trains will be travelling to University Station."



Oh, good.

So I walked.



BUT, I walked over the river, and smelled the fall leaves, and felt the crisp air.

And in that way, it was actually glorious.

I'm thankful for small moments like that (despite the LRT's shortcomings).

so here we are again...

It's funny how life just continues.

Summer ends, and school begins, and the same things happen. The evil-leaf-thiefs come out to vacuum up the remains of summer, and it gets cold.

There's frost, and steam rising from my coffee cup at the LRT station. I lead worship, and go to class, buy textbooks, and write papers.

And yet, everything's different.

I'm in a different 'spot' than I was last year. God's given me different responsibilities, and new places to be effective.

As I look back on the last year, I see God's hand in my life, changing me, moulding me and making me more like the image of his son.

And that, I hope, will never change.

the tune of neglect (or) the definition of REDEEM

this summer has absolutely FLOWN by.

It's been (mostly) fantastic, busy, and full of weddings (2 more since the last time I blogged. I got a photo-radar ticket coming home from one, which just made it all the more "fun" .... )

As I was sitting here this morning, I realized that I've let my blog fall into neglect. And then, as I was reflecting on that, I realized that neglect has been the tune of my summer.

I haven't been on blogger in almost a month. I almost forgot to pay my registration confirmation at the UofA. I moved, and there are still boxes littering my kitchen and living room. I haven't hung out with friends in FOREVER. I haven't even finished a book this summer! And I've only been camping once.

Recently, God gave me a prayer for one of my relationships which seems to be in the middle of neglect and total annihilation:

Lord God, have mercy and redeem this relationship.

And then I started to think really hard about what 'redeeming' really means.

Yes, it means all the wonderful things that Christians attatch to it; all those complicated definitions about being bought and paid for. But what would it look like if God redeemed a relationship? The two didn't seem to match up.

In the process of pondering these things, I dug out my paper-back dictionary (out of a box). And at the very bottom of the definition, came this:

redeem - to convert into something of value

Which is really profound, if you think about it. This definition applies to everything. From redeeming a coupon at Save-On-Foods to what the Holy Spirit is doing in my heart, and what Jesus did on the cross.

He's changing me into something of value.

And it's a continuing work.

And it added something tangible to my prayer. I can practically ask God to transform this relationship into something of value.

I pray that redemption would be the tune, not only of this friendship, but also as the summer ends, and school begins.

I'm tired of the tune of neglect.

a few minutes to catch up...

Hey, all!

I have a few minutes here, before I have to get my day started, and I thought that I should sit down and letcha all know what's been going on in my end of the world.

On the 21st, I was at the third wedding of the summer - My BROTHER!! My 'little' brother got married to a wonderful girl, the wedding was awesome, the weather was great, and we all had a lot of fun. It's funny to go to their house now, and there are several pairs of shoes in the entry way, and they're all TOO SMALL for me.

Also with the third wedding marked the time for me to "MOVE OUT" of my brother's house... (see above paragraph...) Although I've been looking for some time, the search got put on hold due to the wedding. But last week, I started to panic.

I kept praying that God would find me the RIGHT place, in the RIGHT area, at the RIGHT time. And so, on Friday, my parents went looking, and fell in love with the FIRST appartment they saw.

And so did I.

And there are lots of really cool stories that go along with that, like how the appartment has been vacant for a month, and how I had keys in my pocket 24 hours after we looked at the place, and...

but I don't have time to write all that down right now.

Let's leave it at this: I'm moving this weekend!!

Thank God for small (BIG!) miracles!

Good Grief....

Yes, I know.

I fell off the face of the earth.

It's just that I work in front of a computer for a lot of my day, and then when I come home, the LAST thing that I want to do is sit in front of a computer again.

So I don't.

And you suffer.

Sorry.

SO.... The last month and a half has been really busy -- I've been at two wonderful weddings, very different, yet each very wonderful. I've begun the summer program at church, and I've bought a lot of shoes. (oh wait. that was only in the last two days....)

I don't really know what else to say. So much has gone on, and yet nothing has happened that's been out of the ordinary. It's been really hot lately, which is lovely. I like it, until I have to sleep. And then.... I don't like it so much.

That's about all I have to say....

enjoy the heat :)

r

surprised by ...

I have lilacs on my desk today -- they're really a marvellous thing. Growing up, we had lilacs at the end of our driveway, and they kind of remind me of exams, and tests, and being in school when I'd rather be outside.

But today, I was outside (albeit for a brief period of time). I dropped off an application for a major scholarship at the University today. The fact that I dropped it off at all is a God thing -- you see, I printed off the application in March. But forgot about it until last Friday. But, with the help of the people around me, I managed to get all the reference letters and short answer questions done, my transcripts printed, and the whole thing in by the deadline... (which was today.)

Now that I've said all that, I will now share with you the reason I entitled this post the way that I did...

This past weekend, I attended YC, which (for those of you who don't know) is a massive youth conference designed for junior high/high school kids. They bring in a bunch of big names, and pump everyone up with smoke machines and over-priced hotdogs. I got tickets this year for one reason, and one reason only.

David Crowder was coming.

So, against my better judgement, I acquired tickets, and Robbyn and I planned to go.

I'm extremely skeptical of all things "mass market", specifically on the worship front. Often when cds or books or products are marketed for Christians, they scream "YOU AREN'T LIVING FOR GOD UNLESS YOU'RE [listening to this cd, reading this book, wearing this t-shirt]. I find that "worship" cds are some of the worst things for this (pretty much second only to "Testa-mints" (spreading the WORD through good breath?) and cheap bible verse spinning tops. ).
I don't like to see worship as a commodity: you can't SELL worship.

You can sell a song, you can even sell best-seller songs, or #1 hit songs. But the WORSHIP -- that's more than a song. That's the heart attitude behind your life. That's the way we live.

Sure, you can worship through songs, but to sell music as THE WAY TO WORSHIP is not right.

Often, I find that conferences like these (although they may not intend to do this), often end up SELLING worship.

BUT, that is not the point of this post. That is only the background.

I went to YC.

David Crowder was great. He's a funny Texan with an amazing view of God, and of worship. The band was great.

The following band was not, semi-proving my own point in my own head. I was annoyed by the "mass market" approach to the concert, and we actually left half way through.

But we went back on Saturday to see United, who ended up suprising me by their honesty.

The biggest suprise for me, though, was Sunday morning. A band called Leeland played -- a young 18 yr old and a bunch of his church friends. But although I began skeptical, I ended up standing there and crying.

He knew what it was about. He GOT it -- worship is about God, and praising the one who redeemed us. He's 18, and he's got it. Everything he said, everything he did, everything that he sung -- it all pointed to God, and encouraged the 16000 people at YC to praise God.

I was surprised and blessed and challenged by a young guy, who chases hard after God, and worships him with all his heart.

May we all come to that point on our journey, where we seek hard after God, and find him. May we all learn to worship better and better, offering our lives as living sacrifices.

May we fix our eyes on God, the author and finisher of our faith.

the "i hate living in the city" rant

Some of you may not know this, but I hate living in city. I hate being surrounded by concrete and cars, I dislike the constant sound of the buses stopping at the bus stop, and I don't like the way it smells. The most frustrating thing about the city, though, is that I can't see the sky.

I can't see the sunsets, I can't see the clouds, and I can't see the stars.

All this to say that today, I 'had' to go out to an acreage where we're hosting our Sunday School picnic for all the volunteer teachers & helpers. So Tonya and I walked around their house, (which is on the lake), and played with their dog (who is very friendly) and took a walk around the trail that circles their property (which took us 45 minutes).

I got to see the white fluffy clouds and feel the warm sun. I got spiderwebs all over me from walking between trees. I smelled the wonderful smells of spring: of dirt, of water and of grass. I heard the birds and got my feet all wet and dirty. I even got my first mosquito bite.

And it was glorious. Truly, God made a marvelous world to live in. We were about 15 minutes from the church, but isolated in the middle of nowhere, watching the ducks swim on the slough and the dog splash into the water causing them all to fly away. I looked at all the different trees, all of which will bear fruit in season, and was reminded that God holds all things in the palm of his hand. All winter those trees sat, and sat, and sat. But now, they're sprouting leaves, changing color, and getting ready to do what they were made to do.

I was blessed today, by an unsuspecting couple, who let me wander around their back-forty for an hour, and see afresh all the ways that God is faithful.

And I came to the conclusion (once again) that God didn't create me to live in the city.
I need to see the sky.

a long absence...

So, where have I been?, you might wonder.

And that would be a very valid question. Because, (as it turns out), I haven't logged into blogger for almost 3 weeks....

So, here's what has been going on:

1. I finished exams.
2. I vegetated for a while.
3. I got a job.

YeeHAW. Everything worked out for me to get a job at church, as the Preschool Summer Intern. So I'm now planning summer curriculum, and coordinating all sorts of fun preschool stuff.

I am very glad. But I am also very busy. And I spend a lot of time in front of a computer right now. So sitting here writing more stuff is at the bottom of the list of things to do.

But I thought you should know that God gave me an AWESOME job, where I know all the people I work with, and where I can still lead worship (like I am this weekend), go on holidays, and attend all my friends' weddings. So, a big thank you to everyone who prayed. And... I'll catch you later :)
r

there are WAVES in my boat....

As I was doing my devotions this week, I came across a very familiar passage in Matthew - the story of Jesus calming the storm. (if you want to read it, click on the title of the post and it will take you there...) I think I've heard this story almost a million times, with almost a million different angles and themes. Each time I've heard the story, the disciples always get bashed because of their lack of faith.

This time, when I read it, I was amazed at how much faith they DID have.

Think about it.

They get into the boat. Jesus falls asleep. A storm comes up.

Now, this is not a little storm. It's a BIG storm. v24 says, "Suddenly, a terrible storm came up, with WAVES BREAKING INTO THE BOAT." (Mark says that "high waves began to break into the boat until it was nearly full of water." (4:37))

So then the disciples freak out, wake Jesus up and tell him that they're pretty sure that they're all going to die.

And then we all bash the disciples because Jesus tells them that they don't have enough faith.

But think about it.

There are waves breaking into the boat.

DUDE -- that is one huge storm. These are not little waves. And these are not people who are unfamiliar with the weather. They're FISHERMEN. And the waves are cresting in the middle of the lake. Into their boat.

The boat is getting full.

And Jesus is sleeping.

Now, I've been on some water in my day, and I quite enjoy it. I love ferries, and boats, and swimming. I've been on the ocean when it is raining, and there are some pretty 'nice' waves. But nothing like this. They're fishermen. This is what they do. They practically live on the water. If they're freaking out, then I kinda believe that they're having a problem. I have a feeling that I would be freaking out too, if there were waves breaking into my boat.

So Jesus is sleeping. And they wake him up.

And Jesus looks at them and asks, "Why are you afraid?"

Uh....

Why am I afraid?? THERE ARE WAVES IN MY BOAT!!!

How big would the waves have had to have been for them to wake Jesus up? They were waiting. They waited beyond, what I think, would have been rationally normal. They waited through the wind. They waited through the rain. They waited through a little bit of water in the boat.

They waited until waves were cresting into their boat, and their boat was full.

They waited until, what they thought, was the very last possible second.

And then they woke Jesus up.

He was IT. He was their last chance. They thought they were going to die. And maybe they knew that he would tell them that they needed to have more faith.

My point is that they didn't wake him up at the first sign of danger. They waited until the end. Until all of their options had been exhausted. Until the end of the strength that they had.

And then Jesus says, "Why are you so afraid? You have so little faith."

And when I thought about it like this, those words almost seemed comforting.

Why are you afraid?

It's like a mom, asking her child why he's afraid - 'Why are you afraid? You know that I won't let anything happen to you.'

Why are you afraid?

And then he calms the water. He rebukes it. (He doesn't rebuke the disciples!)

Why are you afraid?

And everything is quiet.

The whole story made me think of my own life. So often, I think I have so much faith. I'm waiting on God - for an answer, for him to rescue me out of a situation, for strength, for whatever.
I FEEL like I'm waiting until there's nothing left. No more strength, no more options, nothing.

So I freak out, and God looks at me and goes, "why are you afraid? you know that I'll never give you anything more than you can handle. You have so much to learn about what I can do. You have so little faith. But next time, you'll have a little more. And the next time after that, you'll have more..."

You have so little faith.

What would have happened if the disciples hadn't woken Jesus up? How would he have changed their lives? What would have been different? Would their boat have sunk, and they would have had to trust him in new ways? Would Jesus have woken up and calmed the storm himself?

I think that no matter how long the disciples would have waited, they still would have gotten the same response.
Because there's always more to learn.

There's always more faith. More trust.

Jesus always wants to push us further than where we think we can go.

You have so little faith, but keep trusting.

He's got us in the palm of his hand, even when we think we're at the absolute, final end of everything.

Even when there are waves in our boats.

Be strong and take heart, all you who put your hope in the LORD! Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.
(Psalm 31:24, Psalm 50:15)

well, it's finally over

I thought that this semester would NEVER END...

But, fortunately for me,

it has!!

I wrote my last exam yesterday afternoon, and now, I am looking forward to a great weekend, in which I will not worry about assignments, papers, or tests. (not even once!)

Thanks for sticking with me... I might post something more fun later. Maybe a photograph of the rabbit that's been hopping through our parking lot all morning. or something equally as fun....

r

hip-hip-hooooray

I'd just like to announce that I JUST handed in my LAST paper of the semester.

Yes. This is a wonderful thing.

Now there's just finals. 3 of them. Next week.

But my papers, and school work -- all done.

super!!!

World Curling Pictures

As promised, here are some pictures of curling.... (my favorite is the HAT -- yes, it's a red, plush curling rock WITH PINS on it...)

If you care, the sheet closest to us is Norway (in white) and Finland (in blue). The second sheet is Canada (wearing black (with white belts)), and playing the US (in blue). On the third sheet is Switzerland (Red) and Denmark (not pictured). The furthest sheet is Australia (yellow) playing Sweden (also not pictured)

curling (it's a game!)

I was riding the LRT this week, and I sat down across from an old man. I'm guessing that he was around 85+ --> he had the clear skin and yellow nails of the elderly, and he was wearing old plastic glasses with the lenses that made his eyes look as big as (something big and round, but I can't think of a word that adequately describes it). He had a folded up walker, and was wearing old dress pants and velcro shoes.

And I sat down across from him. (he smelled like toast)

I guess he decided that I was approachable (what with my headphones in, looking out the window, how could I be anything BUT approachable??), so he leans towards me and yells, " ARE YOU TAKING PHARMACY????"

uh... what do you say to that? NO. I'm not.

I'm not sure he heard me.

Maybe I wasn't YELLING loud enough for the whole train to hear.

Anyway. He proceeded to go on this long diatribe about how university was so much cheaper when he was young ($20 for a class, which made me quite envious!!), and how pharmacists are going to have a whole lot more work to do. It was really quite charming. He meant well, and wanted to have someone to talk to. I guess if you're not used to the silence and hum of the LRT, it's a little strange.

Then he was quiet for a while. And I smiled to myself, and put my earphones back in, and resumed staring at my reflection in the window.

Then we got to Rexall, and he leans over towards me again, and goes "ARE YOU GOING CURLING??"

I smiled again, took out my headphones (although I probably didn't need to), and told him no.

Then he asks, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS? IT'S NOT FOR YOUR HAIR! SOME GIRLS THINK IT'S FOR THEIR HAIR, BUT IT'S A GAME!"

Oh boy... uh... Yes, sir, I DO know what curling is.

And now the rest of the train knows, too.

"IT'S NOT THAT HARD. ALL YA GOTTA DO IS GET THE ROCKS OUTTA THE WAY"

wow.

"JUST GETTEM OUTTA THE WAY. RIGHT OUTTA THERE! WE ONCE..."

And he was off again.

The whole thing was really quite amusing. The most amusing part, however, was that he NEVER GOT OFF THE TRAIN.

We got to Clareview, and I got off, and he just sat there.

He just sat.

He had got ON the train at Health Sciences, and we were at Clareview, and he stayed on.

I looked back towards him as I was heading down the stairs, and he was STILL just sitting there. Maybe he was just riding the train for company, I don't know. But, man, was that ever funny!!!

As a side note, I DID end up going to the World's Men's Curling at Rexall. I'll post some pictures of it later.

random ramblings

I am sitting here, munching on yummy pizza....

I am not supposed to be eating pizza.


This is what I'm supposed to be doing:

Yup -- I should be writing a paper (notice the plethora of books).
BUT... I'm not.
Writing a paper is not FUN. It's hard. And tedious.
And so I made pizza instead. If you were here,
you could share my pizza.
I'd share.
Really!
But you're not.
SO, you, go back to work.
I'm going to go do..... something. :)

Isaiah 40:26-31

26 Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.
27 O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
28 Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
30 Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
31 But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.

(thanks Sarah!)

dr. seuss teaches a lesson

I was blog-surfing this evening, drinking my Neo-Citran before bed (yes, that should tell you why I haven't been blogging lately), and I started reading a blog done by a Thai friend, Mink. When I taught in Thailand, she was working at the church; teaching and working with the youth. She's got a great heart for ministry, and she finds wonderful things to post on her blog. (check the links for the link).

She posted this poem, which I'm pretty sure was written for me. It reads like a Dr. Seuss book, which is somewhat appropriate, because I've read a lot of Dr. Seuss in my travels. Anyway, the message resounds with me. Give it a read. Maybe it will resound with you too.

Russel Kelfer - WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, lovingly, I cried;
quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and wept for clue to my fate…
and the Master so gently said, “Wait.”

“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need anwers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I’m needing a ‘Yes’ a go-ahead sign
or even a ‘No’ to which I’ll resign.

You promised, Dear Lord,that if we believe,
we need but to ask and we shall receive.
Lord, I’ve been asking and this is my cry.
I’m weary of asking, I need a reply.”

Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate,
as my Master replied again “Wait.”
So I slumped in my chair defeated and taunt,
and grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting….for what?”

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
…and he tenderly said, “I could give you sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause the mountains to run.

I could give you all you seek, and pleased you would be
You’d have what you want, but you wouldn’t know me.
You’d not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.

You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
you’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in me,
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You’d never experience the fullness of love,
when the peace of my spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give and I save for a start.
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

The glow of my comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask,
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You’d never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that my grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss, if you missed what I am doing in you.

So be silent my child and in time you will see,
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though my answers seem terribly late,
my most precious answer of all is still….wait.”

Puzzles

You can buy puzzles these days that have no picture supplied with them. A person could sit for hours, trying to find pieces that match, looking for vague similarities between pieces. Often, you could start piecing things together, thinking you have finally figured out the picture in the puzzle, only to find that the picture you are assembling is a picture on someone else's t-shirt.

How frustrating. And confusing.

Sometimes I feel like life is a puzzle. God gives everyone a bunch of puzzle pieces, but no picture. And I feel like I'm sitting here like a little kid: putting piecing together, but not knowing whether the images are in the foreground, or the background, not knowing whether the whole puzzle surrounds this image or not. I wish that God would give me a glimpse of the finished product -- that he'd put flashing lights around a certain decision, or come down with a big booming voice, telling me that "Yes, this is the right choice. This belongs in the foreground", or "No. Don't choose this. This is meant to be part of the background."
I know that in the end, the puzzle will work out. Each piece will have found its home, and it will be a beautiful picture of God's mercy and grace in my life.

But, man! I wish I could see the box....

a boot load

In order to alleviate some confusion produced with the last post, I'm coining a new phrase:

boot load - /'boot lohd/ - 1 - N - a large quantity, specifically an amount that might come over the tops of one's rubber boots, if one were to step down; 2 - N- enough to fill one's boots; 3 - V - to be boot loaded - to be overloaded with work; to be overcome; to be filled; 4 - V - to be stuffed into the trunk of a car (usu. when dead)

Where did February go?

Wow. I can't believe that it's actually March.

It's the 5th of March. and 'tis the season of papers and exams...

I don't have much to say today, except that I've been busy with school stuff. Part of me looks forward to being done University for the term, but part of me dreads finding a summer job.

In the meantime, before I decide whether or not I'm happy or sad to be almost done, I've got a whole boot-load of papers to write. One of which I should start now.

I'll see y'all on the flip side....

immense frustration (or) to laugh or to cry?

This week is shaping up to be one of the most frustrating weeks on record, but also one of the strangest. So many things have gone wrong this week, that I just shake my head!! It's reading week, but nothing has stopped except school: I still have to work. I'm leading at church. CARS STILL BREAK DOWN.

There should be a law that says something like this:

cars cannot break down during school holidays.

That would be wonderful. I'd really like that. This has been my day/week so far:

I spent a large amount of time last week trying to find a pianist: NO ONE was available. It was ridiculous! I had called EVERYONE that I could think of: I even phoned my room-mate's mom! No one could do it. We had practice on Wednesday without a pianist. (sidenote: this practice turned out to be a LARGE GONG SHOW anyway, for various reasons including the recent purchase of electronic drums. I'd never played with them before, and they are a good deal different than playing with REAL drums. It was brutal. But I'm learning. end side-note) We prayed on Wednesday for a pianist, and on Thursday, TWO people phoned me, and said that they would be available! It was an incredible God-thing.

All this to say that I needed to drive out to church this morning, and put the chord charts in my new keyboard player's mailbox. And then I was going to go out to a friend's volleyball game: Kristy plays for Red Deer, and they're playing at provincials in Edmonton. So I was going to go....

EXCEPT, that when I got in my Jimmy, and drove it to 7-11, I discovered that the tire was flat. VERY FLAT. And then I tried to pump it up.
Except that the air-pump was broken.

So I thought to myself: I'll just change the tire.

Except that the tire is bolted to the undercarriage of the Jimmy, and I would have had to crawl underneath the truck to un-bolt the tire, to get at the jack, to lift the truck, to loosen the bolts, to take off the tire, and put on the new one...

Hurrah for cell-phones, and a second big-hurrah for Dads!! (see below)After having an interesting little dicussion with the East-Indian lady at 7-11, I walked home.

There was no music at church for my wonderful pianist, and I missed the volleyball games.

I don't know whether to laugh or to scream. Laughing is winning, so far. At least I'm not stranded on a road in the middle of nowhere. I have a pianist, and God will work out the rest. He has so far..... I spent about 30 minutes at KalTire (which is a wonderful place. Everyone should buy tires there. They even gave me popcorn to eat.), got my tire fixed, and dropped off the music at church (2 hours late). BUT... it's all worked out.

I'm going for a nap!
~~~
As a WONDERFUL distraction, I have been looking up some of my favorite worship bands on the net, and
if you feel so inclined, go to http://www.myspace.com/brentonbrownmusic and listen to 1077. This is a great parable, and you'll really like it. I guarantee it.

death: a lament

Last night, one of my friends told me that her fiance's mom had died. An hour ago, I hung up the phone with a guy on my band who told me that his wife's mom just died. That's 2 moms, in less than 24 hours. In one case, it's been an incredibly painful waiting game. In the other, an unexpected, sudden event. I can't really say that I understand, although I have experienced both, because each situation is different.

Death is so painful, rendering the living helpless and dumbfounded. Even though I wasn't close to either of these people, my heart aches for the living, and the journey they've begun. I sat in bed last night, wondering what God's reasons were. I feel like I've been struck dumb. What do you say? What can you say?

And so here is my cry of frustration for the families who have lost mothers, grandmothers, and aunts; for the grandchildren who will never meet grandmothers, for the marriage pictures that will be missing a mother. Here are my tears for the pain that they feel, for the hurt in their hearts, for their sleepless nights and long tiring days.

But here also is my cry to God -- to heal, to bring peace, to use this event to change lives. It's my cry of frustration and anguish, but also of hope and of trust. All I can do from here is give it to God. And so this is my prayer: that these deaths would serve God's greater purpose, and lives would change as a result.

God, be near your hurting children.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Ps34:18.

For You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
Ps56:8

Hippos sweat blood

I don't know how many of you have seen a hippo -- I've seen a few at the zoo -- and man are they strange.

They're big and they smell funny, and they poo everywhere, but more than that: THEY SWEAT BLOOD.

The first day I saw some hippos, I was in Thailand, and it was one of the hottest days I can remember. June or July, and a bunch of us went down to the "Crocodile Farm" to see the sights. All this to say, it was HOT, and those hippos were hot, and when they're hot, they sweat blood.

It seeps out of their skin, and beads on their hide, and then when they get into the water, it slowly dilutes, making the water pink, until it finally disappears.

My Booster Juice cup did this to me today. And I was somewhat less than impressed.

On Tuesday, I went to Booster Juice in anticipation of not being able to have supper. I planned it all out, and I bought 2 -- one for now, and one for later. I put the one for later in the cup-holder in the back seat, because, with the weather as cold as it's been (-15), it's like a freezer.

I used to work at Booster Juice, and I'd freeze my stuff all the time, pulling it out when I was late for class.

Unfortunately, they don't make cups the way they used to, and when I opened the back door today, (much to my dismay!!) my cup had "sweated" red raspberry blood all over the cup, in the cup holder, and down the edge of the door.

And thus, I liken Booster Juice cups to hippos. Unfortunately, hippos are probably easier to clean up after, because I had to cut the cup open to get my slush out, and then mash it into a travel mug so that I could take it back out to my truck:

Woe is me.
Next time, I'm going to just buy one.

Isaiah 26:8

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws,
we wait for you;
your name and renown
are the desire of our hearts.

?

If I was put on trial for being a Christian,
would there be enough evidence to convict me?

Printing Presses (and the woes of getting lost)

I'm in this English class -- Book History. That sounds really boring. But it's NOT. I have a great Prof, and he decided to take us on a field trip to a printing press.

I didn't know this, but there is, in Edmonton, a real printing press, where you have to hand set the words, and actually turn out the prints.



SO, yesterday night, I got in my truck, and proceded to drive down to 10309 97st. I looked at my map, but I wasn't totally sure where I should park, or what I was specifically looking for. Someone should have told me that it was next to Uncle Ed's Pawn Shop in the ghetto.....



To make a long story short, I had some problems turning left. And then, before I knew it, I was down the hill, and going across the low-level bridge. (ooops... the low-level bridge is nowhere near where I wanted to be) SO, I decided to turn around and go down 98th ave. Except there's that funny exit you have to make if you want to go west instead of east....


Yeah. I forgot that.


So here I am, at about 5:52 (I'm supposed to be there at 6:00), freaking out on my cell to Robbyn, and driving AWAY from downtown.



Anyway. I pulled a u-turn, went back the way I came, and ended up at the right spot, only a couple of minutes late.



I was excited for this "field trip", but I was not expecting it to be this cool. The lady who helped us, Theresa, (http://www.snapartists.com) told us the general gist of it, and then we got to try it.



We picked a tray of letters in a certain font, and had to set them. Now, this is harder than you think, because the letters are upside-down, and backwards. You actually have to think.



(If you look at the picture to the right, that's a composing stick. The top of the page starts at the bottom left hand corner.) You can only compose three or four lines at a time, depending on how big your font is.





It took an hour or more for each of us to write 2 or 3 lines, and get it all in order and ready to print.





I have to say that I have a much bigger appreciation for old books, and how hard it used to be to acquire them. I can't imagine printing books, upside-down, backwards, 3 lines at a time, and then turning the press by hand for 100 copies.

It was a very cool experience.



~~
pictures.from:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Movable_type

Surprise

I opened a "letter" this morning from official people who give out money. I thought it was some sort of "confirm your attentance at this institution" form.

But it was money. Yup. It was a scholarship. A nice cheque.

What a wonderful Monday surprise. It just goes to show that God takes care of me, even when I'm not watching. A great balance to the stresses of last week & the weekend.

I love how God encourages me, even when other parts of life are hard.

SURPRISE!

the woes of monday

Mondays are not cool for me. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I HATE them, but it might be close. Especially at 6:30am, when my alarm goes off so I can come to school for a class that's been cancelled.

Fun stuff.

I've now been up for 3 hours, had coffee, and gotten over the fact that I have to wait 3 hours for my next class. BUT, let me tell you another woe of Monday:

As I got to the LRT station today, I realized (once again) how much I dislike people who can't PARK THEIR CAR.

When parking in a parking lot, one needs to make sure there isn't half a car width between you and the next guy. This will make sure that there is room for everyone. It also helps if you're straight, instead of crooked.

I really dislike driving around, and around, and around, and around, looking for a spot, just because some people are too "special" to park properly. Just because the lines are covered with snow, that DOESN'T MEAN that the lines are GONE.

On a completely unrelated note: it was a very beautiful morning this morning. As I was driving, the sun was coming up, and coloring the sky amazing shades of pink and gold, and the smoke from the houses was hanging in the sky.

How pretty.

Such a good reminder to let that other stuff, the stuff that doesn't matter, go.

(picture from http://www.spacew.com/gallery/image005338.html)

a blizzard, i think

I looked up the word blizzard at dictionary.com, and this is what I got:

bliz.zard – noun 1. Meteorology. a. a storm with dry, driving snow, strong winds, and intense cold. b. a heavy and prolonged snowstorm covering a wide area. 2. A violent snowstorm with winds blowing at a minimum speed of 35 miles (56 kilometers) per hour and visibility of less than one-quarter mile (400 meters) for three hours.

When I left the house this morning, Eric told me that the wind was gusting between 60 and 80 km/h, and it was -35 with the windchill.

I am not sure what the visibility is here, but according to all the other criteria, this is a blizzard. There's driving snow, strong winds, and intense cold. It's covering a wide area. It's been WAY MORE than three hours.

This is a blizzard. Which brings me to my next question:

WHY DID I COME TO SCHOOL TODAY??

When I woke up this morning, I looked outside, and the weather didn't look that bad... I showered and got ready, and went downstairs, and the weather still didn't look that bad... Eric was there, sitting on the couch watching tv and drinking coffee (as it is too cold fo him to work). He told me that he wasn't going go outside at all if he could help it.

This left me with a dilemma: go to school? or stay home?

Well, being the studious, university student that I am, I decided to come. But I decided to take the bus, which I've never done before. (and probably never will again....) (ok, that's not true. I'll be smarter about it next time.)

So I put on enough clothes to confuse me with either a walking snowman or the Michelin Man, and stood out at the bus stop. I stood there with a woman and her three ill-dressed, loud 10 year old girls.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but winter generally means that kids should be wearing these things: a touque, proper mittens, and snow pants. ESPECIALLY in the presence of their parents. But, apparently, I'm wrong.
I'm getting distracted. Sorry. Back to the story.

Once I was on the bus, it took almost an hour to get to the Government Transit Station. This would have been ok, except that once I got off the bus, I realized that I had absolutely NO IDEA where the LRT station was.

It's not very well posted.

So I asked the underground-parking-lot-attendant-man. He looked rather amused, but gave me general directions. Which were mostly correct. Then I asked another lady.

When I got to class, an hour and a half had gone by since I had left my house. There were only 20 minutes left of class.

1hr 30mins. 90 minutes spent in transit.

No wonder I drive. It takes 45 or 50 minutes then.

Next time I take the bus, I'm getting off at the Winspeare. Maybe that will cut down on the time. But now that I'm here, I'm finding it hard to find an excuse to skip my last two classes and go home.

It took so long to get here.... maybe because this is a blizzard.

in awe...

Every now and then, I am struck by the awesome greatness of God. It happened a couple of weeks ago, and it happened again yesterday at church.

A few weeks ago, I found myself in the middle of a situation where I was questioning God's wisdom and his plan. I wrestled with it for quite a while, and tried to muddle my way through it. When I finally went to God's word, he pointed me to specific passages, and it felt like those specific passages were talking directly to me. It was so incredible!! God gave me peace, and verses to both fall back on when I doubt his plan, and to explain my choices to those around me who don't understand. The word of God is truly living and active!! (heb4:12)

That was part of what I talked about at church this weekend. The services this weekend were so incredible!! God made everything work out: the songs, the message, the scripture that he put on my heart. The whole thing gave me shivers, and I start to smile just thinking about it. I was so struck by God's sovereignty, and how his plan is best, even though I don't understand it beforehand.

All I can do is walk away, and praise him for his hand in both situations.

"But as for me, how good it is to be near God! I have made the Sovereign LORD my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do!" psalm73:28